It could Happen to your tween #stopbullying

For my friends with middle school age kids, don't think that bullying isn't happening. My daughter sent this e-mail to her principal today after school:

"Hey Mr. Buck It's Hannah Tuller, ..... (removed name) is spreading rumors saying that i'm a lesbian, But i'm not. And It's really hurting my feelings, and if you talk to him, he's going to deny it. Like most kids do when they don't tell the truth. And no matter what he says,
I'm not lying. I'll be totally okay with talking with you during or after school about this. He also said that if I told the teacher this that he was just going to tell more people. So this is really making me upset. So please can we deal with this tomorrow?

RMS G Team
Hannah Tuller

The principal responded back to her in less than an hour! She wrote it on her own, without Patrick or I telling her what to do. I am very proud of her. We need to #stopbullying.

Hannah is a free spirit: she doesn't care if her hair isn't perfect, or if she wears the latest fashion, she doesn't own a cell phone or wear make-up, she doesn't want a boyfriend, and sometimes she forgets to shave her legs. She is twelve! Her choices are her choices! What she does have is: a strong spirit, a fierce loyalty, a kind heart, empathy, a great sense of humor; a love of her family, comic books and The Beatles. I want to go up to school tomorrow morning and talk to the principal. But after talking to some wise people and praying about this I am going to let Hannah handle this and take one more step towards adulthood. she knows I am here if she needs me, but she took the initiative and I trust her to see this through. I will tell her to call me if she needs me, but more and more these days she doesn't need me. This parenting thing is hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Last year she had a friend that was being bullied and called names and Hannah went to the principal. She told me that even if ....(friend's name) was gay, he was still her friend and didn't deserve to be bullied over his choice. Tonight she told me that she might not be a lesbian, but what if the next person he bullied was, what would happen then? See there's that kind heart at work. Love that kid.

When God Moves Your Tent

Ever time I make a major decision in my life I pray about it. God seems to always know what I need and when I need it.  Last June, after a few months away, I went back to Ashley Furniture. My dad had left me some money when he died and we knew it was time to buy a house. I started with the company in January 2012 and there was a buy out in December 2013. At that time the company became DSG and many things changed, both good and bad. I learned a lot from the training videos and from some amazing managers. I became a trainer in September of 2014 and worked at every Ashley store in the St. Louis metro area between then and now. After leaving for a few months after my dad died in early 2015, when I came back it seemed things were different. When dad died many things changed, especially me. I still loved selling furniture, but felt like something was missing. The company moved my son-in-law to my store as my manager and I knew it wouldn't be long and there would be a move again. It would have been easy to go back to the store I started at, but due to some HR issues with someone I worked with there it wasn't an option. I chose to go to the Shiloh store because I knew the manager was great and I knew a couple of people there. I had no idea how much I would like the people in that store, how welcome they would make me feel and that I would miss them.

Back in January, I received a message on my LinkedIn profile asking if I would be interested in pursuing a position with Heritage Home Group. I had no idea who Heritage Home Group was or why they would be contacting me. I was interested in leaving Ashley, everything there was status quo. But when they moved my son-in-law to the store things began to change. He is one of the best managers I have ever worked for and it was so fun to have him there I found myself selling better than I had in months and feeling encouraged and supported. There were some in the store that thought I was getting special treatment, I knew in my heart I couldn't stay there and it really made me sad. There were several people in the store that were making it very difficult for me and it was time to go. Shiloh welcomed me with open arms and it was great. I looked forward to going to work, but the drive was consuming so much time and I have a twelve year old who needed me to be more present in her life. I started thinking maybe I need to look for another job.

I had forgotten about the LinkedIn message. Next thing I knew I had received an e-mail and then a phone call from the HR person from the Heritage Home Group. It turns out that HHG owns Thomasville Furniture and I then received an email from the St. Louis manager asking if I wanted to come in for an interview. Wow! I was in shock, the timing could only be coming from God. I went to the interview in Mid March (it was four hours long). I realized when I went to the interview that she hadn't even seen my resume yet, so I took it with me. After the interview was over the manager asked me if I wanted to design a room. I was nervous and excited at the same time. She took me up to the design center and just let me do my own thing.

The design center was beautiful, there were so many colors, patterns, different wood finishes on samples and there was a wall of rug samples. There were tables to work on and books to use with magnetic furniture to lay out the room. It was almost overwhelming, almost. :) I put together a room using her specifications and she loved it. She told me the district manager would be calling me for a phone interview which she did in a few days. We talked for over an hour and I had such a peace that this was the right spot for me. I received my offer letter and was beyond excited. I think I still hoped that deep down Ashley would not want to let me go. When I told my manager that I was giving my two weeks he told me the district manager would reach out to me and not to sign the offer letter, well guess what, that never happened. So I signed the offer letter and waited with anticipation for my first day. The head of HR sent me an email and said she wasn't sure how it had happened but I had been hired without filling out an application and I needed to fill one out so it could go in my file. I laughed and thought isn't that the way God works when He moves your tent. He orders your steps and directs your paths.

Tomorrow I am entering uncharted territory. I am going from "We don't change fabrics, frames or finishes..." to "What fabric, frame or finish would you like?" How exciting is that?

Hope, it's just so simple!

Today is Easter! Christ the Lord is risen today!
Worship was awesome and my pastor preached a message on hope.
It really hit me today that I have been pushing through this last decade of my life,
Stuffing all kinds of  stuff down,
Deep down, and just leaving it there.
On some occasions it pushes to the surface,
There is an explosion and I hurt people, people I love
Then I stuff it again.
Even deeper then it was before.
I was living in hopelessness, I had lost hope.

It's Complicated

So my dad died. I now no longer have a father or mother on this earth and that makes me feel sad. I understand that everyone has to die, it's part of life, but it still hurts. Today is February 24 and my dad died one month ago. Everything has changed, Ive always been a daddy's girl and now my daddy is gone. I was gone for a month, spending the last few weeks I would have with my dad. Somedays we would just sit and watch the food network, other days we would talk about heaven and somedays we would just sit.  They were hard days, but they were good days. Now that I am home I don't feel like I fit anywhere, I quit my job because there were really wrong things going on and I could not work for that company anymore, I'm not sure where I fit as Hannahs mom and I certainly am struggling to be a wife right now. It has been a daily struggle to tell myself that things are going to get better. It's complicated.

Grief is complicated, everyone will tell you there are five stages to grief: Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining and Acceptance but everyone doesn't see life the same so how can you compartmentalize grief? I lost a baby once who hadn't been born yet, I have friends who have lost babies after they were born, I can't even begin to understand that kind of grief. I have not lost a spouse but I have friends who have and I pray for them because there are no words. I have lost both of my parents, my mother to cancer and my father to heart disease. I know that kind of pain, some nights it feels like my heart will just break. I have survived cancer and am living with high blood pressure, two things that I guess I genetically inherited from my parents. It's scary, looking at your own immortality. Some nights I wake up in a cold sweat thinking I'm going to die if I close my eyes. This is my life right now, it's complicated.

Where does faith fit in, it must fit somewhere. I believe in heaven and I believe that one day I will see my parents again. This is what I tell my eleven year old who has lost two grandparents in a fifteen month time span. We have had many discussions on death. "Mom, why can't everyone just live here with us forever, why do people have to die?" "Mom, I don't think it's fair that I didn't get very many years with grandma and grampy, why do my other friends have their grandparents and I don't have mine?" " Mom, why did grammy die before I could ever meet her? Do you think she knows I am here at all?" these are some examples of at we've talked about. Of course I tell her that Jesus had to die so we could live forever with our families because that's the deal, death for life, right? It should make it easier but some days nothing helps. It's complicated.

Some days I just wish I could shut off my emotions, just not feel anything, no anger, sadness, loneliness etc but then I realize I wouldn't feel happiness, love ,joy as well. Today has been a day filled with crying and outbursts and I am emotionally exhausted. Unfortunately my husband has taken the brunt of those negative emotions today and I am sorry. I'm sure some days he feels like my own private human pin cushion. I know when we got married we said for better or worse, but I'm telling you I am sick of the worse and just want to know when things are going to get better. This is the part where my faith should kick in, but it doesnt seem to be doing that. I feel lost. I know in my heart that God is holding me and that He loves me, I just ont feel it right now. It's complicated!

Black Friday blessings

Wow! What a long day but I was with a great lady who is always an encouragement and challenges me to be the best I can be. I missed my Flotown team and I was not looking forward to working from midnight until 9 the next day. I drove over to Edwardsville last night and the doors opened at midnight. We had a search light out front and a line of people waiting for a $99 sofa. It was crazy town for about an hour. My first guest came for the sofa and left with a new mattress, bed and sectional and a free tablet!  Boom, great sale first one of the night. Then it got quiet. I rested in a recliner in back for a couple of hours and about 6:30 it started hoping again.

I actually had fun and met some great people. I met an 80 year old man that needed a good basic mattress- hadn't bought a new one in years, an expectant mom I found her the cutest glider recliner for the nursery and a new sectional for the living room, a mom and daughter( found a living room for the mom and a bedroom for the granddaughter) , a couple who hadn't bought a new mattress in years that got a power base to help with back pain and circulation after experiencing the dream experience. Another young  couple that needed just the right size dining room and we found it for them, just the right one! 

It was a long day, but a rewarding one and I go to sleep with lower blood pressure helping to make Christmas dreams come true today! That's a really good feeling. The End

Are you kidding me? Hypertension was not in my plans!

I haven't blogged much lately. So much has happened. I left my store in South County and moved  to the store in Florissant the end of September.  I took a new position as SME trainer and it was better to go to a new store.The last two months have been rewarding and challenging. It was hard to start over again and I was frustrated with my lack of sales but the team at Florissant was encouraging and welcoming and made me feel at home. They bought me ice cream cupcakes and gave me a cute card for my birthday. I dressed up like the Cat in The Hat for a crazy midnight madness sale and like Pinky from Grease. We had fun that day for sure! I looked forward to going to work and my sales were getting stronger and stronger. Dave, my manager, never gave up on me even when I wanted to quit. Over the past two months I have trained in three different stores and assisted with a training for new manager hires. I LOVE Training and Teaching! It is so exciting to see a sales professional leave a training scrimmage and have a great sale because they are using what they have been taught. It makes my heart happy to see others succeed.

As most of my friends know, I'm a survivor.This summer I had a scare, but God brought me through again. The last two weeks I have worked several days in Edwardsville doing training for DSG, the company I work for now. Yesterday I went to the Walgreens Clinic after work because I had an awful cough and thought I might have strep. Turned out what I had was far more serious. My blood pressure reading was off the charts and they said I had to go to the ER immediately because it was at stroke level. There was no way I was going to the ER, no insurance until January. I walked out of the clinic, got in my car  and cried.  Why was this happening to me, why now, c'mon God give me a break. 

I called my friend Donna and told her what was happening and that I was coming over to her house. I just love that lady. She had me take my blood pressure again and we went and got some dinner together and then she prayed for me. I just had to make it through the night and get to the doctors on Friday. I called my manager Dave and told him what was going on as well.  I didn't sleep very well due to the coughing and thinking I was going to die. I did make it to the doctors and was told my blood pressure was dangerously high and I would be resting for a week. He also told me that I had severe sinusitis and that he would be prescribing medication for both.  So now I rest, pray and spend some time with my family. I would appreciate your prayers as well. Love you all.

Riots, Running and Restoration.

Everyday I go to work I look for an opportunity to bless my guests. It's in my companies mission statement and its one of the main reasons I am still working at Ashley. Tonight around five I was sitting on desk one (that is the desk we sit at right before we greet a guest) and Shawna said to me these people haven't been helped and I left desk one to help them. Little did I realize it was time for some blessing! I introduced myself and began engaging my guest in conversation, sharing the mission statement and the great financing we had to offer.  Through engaging my guest I discovered they were a mother and daughter and were moving soon and needed some new furniture.

As we continued to talk she revealed to me her needs and what she came in to the store to buy. I asked her what area of St. Louis she lived in and she told me Ferguson, my heart skipped a beat. She went on to tell me that she lived right where the young man was shot. Right in the middle of everything. She had tears in her eyes as she told me stories of children being maced, by police, tear gas being used and what it felt light to live in a war zone in America. She said there has always been problems between the police and the residents and this incident just lit the flame. She said she feared for her safety so she was leaving everything and starting over in a new place. I couldn't t believe that I was going to be able to help someone put their life back together. LIFE MOMENTS MATTER, this is so true. We were back in the mattress department and she and her daughter were laying on a mattress and it was a special moment because I could see that they just needed some time to just be still. So I walked away and gave them their moment. When I came back they had found their mattress. :)

She didn't want to go through any of our finance companies, she had heard of Acceptance Now and wanted to go through that company. She wanted to build back her credit and had heard that Acceptance Now would report her on time payments.She wanted to make a better life for herself and for her daughter. She shared how she works for a hotel and the General Manager is letting her stay there so she can feel safe. She said the news is just showing part of the story. She never believed anything like this could happen in her neighborhood. And she had tears in her eyes. I had to give her some big discounts to make this happen for her and I didn't even care if I made commission on this sale, I just wanted to help her start again. We found a sofa, table set, mattress and chest and the entire process from start to finish was a little over three ours.  I felt so good when I was walking her to the door. I felt like what I had done today mattered, that I mattered and I felt assurance that I was right where I was supposed to be. Looking forward to more Ashley Anecdotes and feeling blessed tonight to be a blessing.