Grants Farm and God's Grace

Today, in the intense heat, my brother and his family decided it would be a good day to go to Grant's Farm. The tram ride was not that bad,there was a breeze and some pretty interesting animals, like Asian ducks, two week old calves that were twins, and an Ostrich named Olivia (which is my nieces name). ha ha But when we got off the tram it was soooo hot. The younger girls road the carousel and fed the baby goats and got a snow cone. All of these were a big hit. But the best part of the visit was the animal show. First, it was in the shade, second there were big fans and they were working well and third the show itself was very entertaining. i don't remember seeing a parrot do a puzzle or roller skate before. After the show we went to feed the camels and Olivia said " wow it's tongue is dry and feels really weird" and we all laughed. We had our free beer and headed out to have lunch.

We tried to go to Crown's Candy Kitchen but as luck would have it, a tour bus pulled up right before we got there and no way were we going to sit out in that heat and wait for a table so we headed to Fitz's in the Loop. Well we had quite a ride through some pretty blighted city neighborhoods and looking at the homes I thanked God for providing for my family. We made it to Fitz's and the kids enjoyed some root beer and cream soda and a really yummy order of fried pickles. My daughter Hannah age 7 exclaims hey there is a pickle under here after she pulled off some of the breading which made us all laugh.

Getting home after a full day we took a break and then I took the girls to meet my brother at the hotel for some swimming, which they did and had a lot of fun. I left Hannah there and headed to prayer meeting.

Once a month at my church we get together for prayer. Tonight it was at my friend Lori's house and we had a great meeting. Praying with a small group of people is such great therapy for me. And tonight was no exception. I love entering in and just worshiping who God is! One of the ladies brought veggie sushi which was yummy and was a great way to end the evening. It was a very good day today. Long, but very good. I am thankful for family.

Inspiration from the Rolling Stones

"No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need"
Rolling Stones

As a Christian what does this mean to me, what is the difference between wants and needs. The Bible says that my God shall supply all of my needs, not my wants. So this made me start thinking about my needs. What is it that I really need? My most basic need is God! He is all I need, I couldn't stand, breathe, live or move without my God. There have been so many times in my life that without God I wouldn't have survived.

So I am going to choose God as my number one need. My next need would be sustenance( food and water) in order to live, I need both of these. Some days I wish this wasn't a need and I pray and ask God to feed me that day. I guess that is how I view fasting, getting rid of that need for a time so I can concentrate on my first need .I guess another basic need is shelter and this goes back to even the Son of God who needed shelter that night in Bethlehem when He was born. It wasn't much but it was what was needed.

Every time I have a need, it is met. There have been so many times in my life when my God was faithful.
Starting with the family he gave me, my needs have always been met. I was so blessed to have a Godly mother who brought me up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of nine and knew that I would have the Holy Spirit to help me for the rest of my life. Growing up I could see God in so many ways, we never went hungry, I always had a home and clothes to wear. I had a great church and some pretty neat friends.

When I got into high school I started wondering if God was enough, was this just something I had done because of my parents or was this something I did because of me. I started questioning my faith and then I totaled my dad's Volvo two weeks after getting my license and I walked away from the accident. I hit a fire hydrant and then a tree and rolled the car on it's side. When the guy across the street saw the car(by the way he happened to be a cute football player from my high school) he came rushing over to help. I was fine a little banged up and a lot humbled. I would love to say that I found all the answers to my questions and right then and there I made a commitment that God was enough, but I can't say that.

The next year was my senior year in high school and did I mention I hated high school with a burning passion, no, well I did. I only went one semester and then I did an internship with kids from all over Illinois. I worked at the State Capital and hung out with some kids I really thought were cool. One of those kids told me one night that no one here knew me and I could be whoever I wanted to be, that I didn't have to be the good church girl anymore, I could do whatever I liked. I wish I had looked at him and said no, but just like that I thought he was right and what did I have to loose. So I stopped living for God and started living for myself. Big time wrong choice.

Over the next fifteen years I made so many mistakes because it was always about what I wanted and not what I needed. I wanted to have a boyfriend, I wanted to drink and party, I wanted to go to the school I wanted to go to, I wanted to get married because everyone else was, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.

I married a guy that I had dated for five years and everything pointed to this being a  a good choice. One problem, we were both selfish and didn't have God at the center of our relationship. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad and we had two great kids, Stephen and Gretchen. We found a church and did all the right things and from the outside we looked happy, but we continued on our selfish path and the only thing that was going to happen was that we would crash and burn and that we did. Again thinking wants were more important.

After I was divorced I was left with a two year old and a seven year old and a mortgage and a lot of questions. I lost it for about a year after I was divorced I was thirty-three and I was going to do what I wanted. Praise God that even when we aren't looking for Him, He is still calling us. I needed a church and I found one that was just where I was supposed to be that had a pastor that was bold enough to tell me what are you doing, this isn't how you want to live, stop it, and I did!

After that I never looked back I just looked to the future. I met a great guy and we became best-friends. We have been married for thirteen years and there have been some rough times but God has always supplied our needs. When I lost my grandma, my mom, and my job in the same year; God was there and helped me through all of it. Was I angry, sure, did I have questions, sure, but you know what when you take your questions before God He will answer them. Again not what I wanted but what I needed to grow in my faith.

After that loss God gave me something I didn't think I needed but I was wrong, He gave me Hannah. He took my mom home to Glory and then gave me another daughter to love and share His love with. I thought, are you crazy God, I am "old" I am forty, I don't need a baby. But He showed me I did.

Four years ago I had to have a lumpectomy and again God was faithful and provided what I needed, it wasn't what I wanted, to go into my doctor and hear the word "Cancer" but it was what I had to go through. I have a testimony of restoration and healing that I can share because of that time.

I am now at a place in my life where I again am having to trust God to supply what I need. No more questions, no more guessing this time I know! He will provide for me. It is so great to have that assurance that no matter what, He will be there. Always!  I hope by reading this bog it blesses someone and they can see the God who has put up with me at my worst and still loved me. I know that God still has plans for my life, but I am liking where I am at right now.So when the storms come and they will, I will be ready with a God who will supply all I NEED!

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A poster from mom and a slap back to reality

 After really missing my mom and having a good cry with my daughter I looked over into the corner of my bedroom and saw a poster I just recently put up that my mom had given me. I felt like she slapped me in the face and said stop with the pitty party and get living girl. I added my comments in ( ) Here is what the poster says it is by Gail Kittleson:

The Older I Get

The more I notice outrageous beauty ( or just plain beauty)

Of stars and moon against the sky…(especially in the fall)

The softer a baby’s skin feels…(this was so true of Hannah)

The less panicky I am during sleepless nights…(I am not sure this one is true. ha ha)

The less easy answers I have…(sometimes I have no answers)

The hungrier I am for connectedness…(I have always likes to be connected to friends)

The less I know, the more I wonder…(wondering is good, it uses the brain)

The longer I linger in snowfalls…(nothing better than snowflakes on your tongue)

The kinder I am with weakness…( I am going to work on this one)

The more honest I am with myself…(sometimes brutally honest)

The more I understand children’s logic…( love <3 this)

The less rigid I am…( hope this is true)

           The mightier the ocean seems each time I visit…(going to visit one soon)

        The less I wonder how old I’ll be someday…(yep, since I am old. ha ha)

The more hugs I give…(it is easy to hug a 7 yr old, not so easy a 17 yr old)

The gentler I am with myself…(a work in progress)

The less I think of what I think…(go ahead and laugh)

The faster I clean my house…(getting better at this one)

The wiser I long to be…(we all can't be a Solomon)

The more I realize how impatient I’ve always been with life…(always have been)

The more opportunities I see in each day…( this one I need to work on)

The more I think about the miraculous gift Beethoven gave to the world…(ah music!)

The more I play(card games and swings)

The less I think of what others think…(I wish this was true)

                                          The closer I feel to old, old friends...(I know this is true, ah childhood memories of summer nights and fireflies)

The more natural prayer seems…( amen)

The more I enjoy a simple cup of tea...(or a nice glass of wine and a good book)

The hotter I draw my bath water and the longer I lie in it…(showers are great as well)

The longer I listen…(with my whole heart)

The wider berth I give to sorrow in the grand scheme of things…(it seems like it is all around)

The younger in spirit I feel…(especially when I am teaching)

The quieter my inner self becomes…(don't know if I am ever quiet)

The greater my appreciation of harmony…(agreement of any kind is good)

The more time I spend looking at stained glass windows…( <3)

The more comfortable I am with solitude…(actually need it sometimes)

The more I see good coming out of difficulties…(ALL things work together for good.. Phil 4:13)

The more grateful I am to be alive(walking in grace that's for sure)

The more beautiful I am becoming.(I hope this is true but some days I don't feel it)