You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need"
Rolling Stones
As a Christian what does this mean to me, what is the difference between wants and needs. The Bible says that my God shall supply all of my needs, not my wants. So this made me start thinking about my needs. What is it that I really need? My most basic need is God! He is all I need, I couldn't stand, breathe, live or move without my God. There have been so many times in my life that without God I wouldn't have survived.
So I am going to choose God as my number one need. My next need would be sustenance( food and water) in order to live, I need both of these. Some days I wish this wasn't a need and I pray and ask God to feed me that day. I guess that is how I view fasting, getting rid of that need for a time so I can concentrate on my first need .I guess another basic need is shelter and this goes back to even the Son of God who needed shelter that night in Bethlehem when He was born. It wasn't much but it was what was needed.
Every time I have a need, it is met. There have been so many times in my life when my God was faithful.
Starting with the family he gave me, my needs have always been met. I was so blessed to have a Godly mother who brought me up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of nine and knew that I would have the Holy Spirit to help me for the rest of my life. Growing up I could see God in so many ways, we never went hungry, I always had a home and clothes to wear. I had a great church and some pretty neat friends.
When I got into high school I started wondering if God was enough, was this just something I had done because of my parents or was this something I did because of me. I started questioning my faith and then I totaled my dad's Volvo two weeks after getting my license and I walked away from the accident. I hit a fire hydrant and then a tree and rolled the car on it's side. When the guy across the street saw the car(by the way he happened to be a cute football player from my high school) he came rushing over to help. I was fine a little banged up and a lot humbled. I would love to say that I found all the answers to my questions and right then and there I made a commitment that God was enough, but I can't say that.
The next year was my senior year in high school and did I mention I hated high school with a burning passion, no, well I did. I only went one semester and then I did an internship with kids from all over Illinois. I worked at the State Capital and hung out with some kids I really thought were cool. One of those kids told me one night that no one here knew me and I could be whoever I wanted to be, that I didn't have to be the good church girl anymore, I could do whatever I liked. I wish I had looked at him and said no, but just like that I thought he was right and what did I have to loose. So I stopped living for God and started living for myself. Big time wrong choice.
Over the next fifteen years I made so many mistakes because it was always about what I wanted and not what I needed. I wanted to have a boyfriend, I wanted to drink and party, I wanted to go to the school I wanted to go to, I wanted to get married because everyone else was, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.
I married a guy that I had dated for five years and everything pointed to this being a a good choice. One problem, we were both selfish and didn't have God at the center of our relationship. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad and we had two great kids, Stephen and Gretchen. We found a church and did all the right things and from the outside we looked happy, but we continued on our selfish path and the only thing that was going to happen was that we would crash and burn and that we did. Again thinking wants were more important.
After I was divorced I was left with a two year old and a seven year old and a mortgage and a lot of questions. I lost it for about a year after I was divorced I was thirty-three and I was going to do what I wanted. Praise God that even when we aren't looking for Him, He is still calling us. I needed a church and I found one that was just where I was supposed to be that had a pastor that was bold enough to tell me what are you doing, this isn't how you want to live, stop it, and I did!
After that I never looked back I just looked to the future. I met a great guy and we became best-friends. We have been married for thirteen years and there have been some rough times but God has always supplied our needs. When I lost my grandma, my mom, and my job in the same year; God was there and helped me through all of it. Was I angry, sure, did I have questions, sure, but you know what when you take your questions before God He will answer them. Again not what I wanted but what I needed to grow in my faith.
After that loss God gave me something I didn't think I needed but I was wrong, He gave me Hannah. He took my mom home to Glory and then gave me another daughter to love and share His love with. I thought, are you crazy God, I am "old" I am forty, I don't need a baby. But He showed me I did.
Four years ago I had to have a lumpectomy and again God was faithful and provided what I needed, it wasn't what I wanted, to go into my doctor and hear the word "Cancer" but it was what I had to go through. I have a testimony of restoration and healing that I can share because of that time.
I am now at a place in my life where I again am having to trust God to supply what I need. No more questions, no more guessing this time I know! He will provide for me. It is so great to have that assurance that no matter what, He will be there. Always! I hope by reading this bog it blesses someone and they can see the God who has put up with me at my worst and still loved me. I know that God still has plans for my life, but I am liking where I am at right now.So when the storms come and they will, I will be ready with a God who will supply all I NEED!
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