It has been five years. I can't believe it. I guess it is time to tell my story. As most of my friends know I had a baby at forty. Hannah was our little miracle and I am filled with gratitude to God for giving us another daughter to love. The doctor had told Patrick and I after my miscarriage that we couldn't have any more children. So was I ever surprised to find out I was pregnant. The next three years went by quickly and before I knew it I was forty three years old and had a three year old daughter and a thirteen year old daughter and an seventeen year old son and I had never had a mammogram. Since I was nursing my doctor said to wait a few years before having one. My mom died from breast cancer in 2002 but I never thought I needed to worry about myself. I was wrong.
So here is my story. It was May of 2007 and I was shopping at Schnucks and saw that the Barnes Mammography Van would be in the parking lot of that store in a couple of weeks. I know now that I was supposed to go to that store and see that flyer. I came home and something told me to go ahead and call and schedule an appointment that day. Well, the day came and I had my first mammogram. I thought well that is over now I can get back to not thinking about that again for five more years. Again, I was wrong. I got a call from Barnes Jewish telling me there was an abnormality on my mammogram and could I come there to have another one. It was time to tell Patrick. I had never even told him I was having a mammogram in the first place. We drove to Barnes in silence, both thinking this couldn't be happening. I had my second mammogram and we waited. The call came...I needed a biopsy they had found a tumor. Okay, I told myself breath, just breath. The few days before the biopsy felt like years and we waited and prayed. Patrick did a lot of stomping around and was angry while I was quiet and reserved. We had decided not to tell the kids too much about what was going on since it had just been five years since we had lost my mom.
The day of the biopsy came and the sun was shining and I the birds were singing and it was a beautiful June day. I just knew that the test would come back with the tumor being benign and that I would wake up from the bad dream. I was scared to have the biopsy. I don't like needles, not one bit. I had an intern do it and wouldn't you know it, he messed up and it had to be done again. It wasn't intense pain but it wasn't something I wanted done twice. They left a little wire in to guide the surgeon to the spot if I would need anything further done. I thought to myself that was stupid because they aren't going to find anything. And yes, you guessed it. I was wrong for the third time.
The call came and I was told that I had Breast Cancer in situ and it was stage 0 which was a miracle in itself. The oncologist said this kind of cancer is only detected by mammogram and not a self-evaluation. I would have never found it on my own. I knew God had this under control and breathed a little. She said I would need to have a lumpectomy and they would remove the tumor and tissue around the tumor to test and see if all of the cancer was gone. We scheduled the surgery and once again God's hand was evident because one of the top oncology surgeons at Siteman had an opening and we took it.
I was supposed to go on a mission trip with my son's youth group to Michigan and Patrick wanted me to cancel, but I told him I thought it would be good for me to go. I wouldn't be thinking about what was going to happen but would be focused on something outside of my world. So I went. It was a great week with a great group of kids and adults and I found myself not even thinking about the cancer. The last night we were there a group of my son's friends prayed over me on the beach. It was such a special moment and I felt a warmth go through my entire body, I also felt something fall in the sand next to my feet and I didn't know what it could have been. When we got back to where we were staying I saw what had fallen. I wore a bracelet to remember my mom and it had a pink breast cancer ribbon charm on it. While the kids were praying for me, it fell into the sand. I couldn't believe it. I knew that I had been healed, right there on that beach in Michigan and I no longer felt the cancer in my body.
It is hard to explain but after I heard the words "cancer" it was like I had a parasite living inside of me and all I wanted was to be rid of it. I prayed for healing and also for faith to walk through this time. I yelled at God, cried and yelled some more. Some days I just walked through a fog. When I came home from the trip my husband said you look like you had a good time and he even said I looked happy. I told him about the beach and the bracelet. I am not sure he believed me, but I knew he wanted to believe. Monday morning early I went in for my surgery.
Patrick drove me to the hospital and I was put under and when I woke up the tumor was gone. And now we wait, and wait and wait some more. My good friend Donna brought me lunch and we watched a movie together the afternoon after my surgery. We waited some more and then the call came to go into the oncologists office. I thought WAIT what is going on, I should not be going into her office she should have told me over the phone NO CANCER. This was not happening. Patrick drove me to Siteman and we went into the doctors office and sat down. She looked at me and looked at him and told us both NO CANCER. She said the biopsy indicated the tumor was malignant but when they sent it off to be tested it came back benign. She said when she removed it that it looked like cancer and when it came back that it wasn't she sent it back to be tested a second time. She said she was not sure what happened but they found no cancer in any of my tissue surrounding the tumor and that as far as she could see I was cancer free. I told her the story of the beach and she said she wasn't a believer but something must have happened on that beach. She even used the word MIRACLE which she said she never uses. I was told I didn't have to do chemo or radiation and just needed to have my check ups. I walked out of the office a different person than I had walked in an hour earlier.
That is my story, a story of God's providence and survival. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Have a blessed life.
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